i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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