This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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