Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize