so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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