Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
