so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
