Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
