Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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