evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
