uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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