At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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