matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
