At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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