As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize