This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize