Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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