Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
