hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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