we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
