i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
