I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Im part way to drunk.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
