my mouth tastes like poor choices
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
