i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
