I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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