One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
