and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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