Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
