I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
So many bounce houses so little time
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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