Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
