apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
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