Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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