It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Randomize
