somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
