i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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