When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
