you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize