Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
