Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
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