Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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