ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
