morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
