Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
