I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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