After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
