Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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