Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
