He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
