Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
