you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
