i jhust puked up my retainher.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
