yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
love makes seman taste better
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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