in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
