also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
