ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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