Small penises have feelings too.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
