This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
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