The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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