Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
