She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
