we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
