I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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