Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
