STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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