let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
