Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
