In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Randomize