You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
