I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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