then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
