I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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