WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
