My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize