bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
