gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
sarcasm needs its own font
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
