i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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