is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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