i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
