Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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