sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
