Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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