she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
