She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
birth control should be required to get into college
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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