am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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