She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
