I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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