I just made out with a guy for $7.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
