you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
