I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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