Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
