my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Randomize
