We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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