I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
