It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
