dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
