almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
