I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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