thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
