On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The air was thick with penises
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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